In The Depths of the Forest (parodying Akutagawa)

What master said during confession


It is good when you are shown in an elegant light. You look self-confident and imposing in your expensive suits and ties. And even if you sit with your legs wide apart while receiving high-ranking guests this does not ruin the picture (only shocks foreigners).
Image of a wise man has been almost implanted in people"s minds, because year-round brainwashing definitely brings results. And now this WikiLeaks!
It turned out to be that these diplomats are not as stupid as they seem. They sit, listen and quietly write everything down. And instead of writing about expensive suits and ties, geopolitical importance and our gas resources they write such nasty things.
It feels like someone has taken off a blanket and 9 million people look at your hairy legs and your body, which does not seem to be beautiful at all, and at something else.
Everything was so quiet and nice before that WikiLeaks!
By the way, we need to ban broadcast of Godfather movie on our TV channels...


What diplomat said during interrogation

What did I write? Why are they so indignant? Do they think that we are blind and believe in their clownery? We, certainly, realize that there is a political advisability and we have to deal with such regimes around the world. But it does not mean that you will live in clover the whole your life and the entire world will listen to you open-mouthed and applaud to high heels (dude, you need to admit that skirts could be longer!)
Yes, we need oil, stability, loyalty and predictability. But don"t think that we are going to solve your problems. Nobody is going to fight for you and nobody will let it happen. We don"t need it, find the way out yourself, reach an agreement with Serzhik and do not forget how Sonny ended up.
We will deal with Afghanistan and Iran without you. And even if we don"t, it doesn"t matter. Don"t think that you can blackmail us. You and your father have been told many times - we are not going to fight because of your oil.
Your neighbor Misha is not a silly guy, but he didn"t want to listen to us and Moscow. Now see what happened.
Why do you think the whole word should applaud to you? Are you so narcissistic so you have lost a sense of reality?
You know, your family reminds me of the Rza Pehlevi family.


What Minister (Tadzemaru) said during interrogation


We need to tear and better burn all photos with Americans, just in case. I don"t feel like visiting Farhad. It"s better stay away from those Americans. Then what about our money? If we take our money, it will be posted on WikiLeaks, if we don"t, they will say that we work for Americans.
We have been told that it"s better work with Swiss guys!
Those guys just pretend to be principal. When we work with Saudi Arabia, they forget about democracy, but if something is against them, they say it is suppression of freedom.
Our guy has gone crazy, why does he need to have one villa in each region and nine ones in Dubai? All banks are yours, oil is yours and country is yours. You have seized and privatized everything already, what else do you need? Leave us alone and let us live.
Someone has said at last - the King is naked! I think Donald Loo should be announced People"s Writer of Azerbaijan.

Jemin